Why is classical music so boring?

Older pupils were always more likely to ask this question. I got used to the idea that I would never win my argument, but I always challenged them to choose a song and then let me show them why a piece of classical music was more interesting. The challenge was never accepted, and I would have been flogging a dead horse anyway. There was, however, one occasion, when a class came, quite independently, to their own conclusion that a pop song they loved was boring.

I used to have the luxury of teaching two music lessons per group each week. One would be musical history or theory, the other would be called Classroom Band. In this lesson, the whole class would learn to play a part in a pop song, each according to their own ability. More advanced players could take the main melody or tricky riffs, less confident players could practise a shorter part and still be part of the whole performance. In this way, we played through a variety of pieces from ‘Waterloo’ (ABBA), the Theme from ‘The Sweeney’ (what a classic), ‘Don’t stop believing’ (Journey or Glee, depending on your age) to ‘Clocks’ by Coldplay.

One group asked to play ‘Call me, maybe’ by Carly Rae Jepsen. It was an easy one to arrange for the group because it was so repetitive. The parts were duly handed out to much excitement and we got working. Ten minutes into the second lesson and they were bored. The sequence of chords, which sounded so cool on the recording, were repeated ad infinitum throughout the piece. They just hadn’t noticed when they were listening to it. I suppose the record production, choice of instruments, accompanying video etc. masked the actual musical content (or lack thereof). However much we matched our keyboard and instrument sounds to the original, it was simply not a fun play.

Rewind ten years and I was taking a group of 9 to 11 year olds to a concert. There was real excitement at the opportunity to hear Stravinsky’s ‘The Rite of Spring’ live for the first time. For those not familiar with the work, The Rite, is the third of Stravinsky’s Paris ballets and, at the time of its premiere, in 1913, considered modern, dissonant, ugly and possibly even unplayable. More than a century later, there will be plenty of people who still hold those opinions. In fact, you could quite reasonably argue that it is still modern sounding, ugly in places and it’s most definitely dissonant. Unplayable it is not. Modern youth orchestras can actually play it very well and it was once said that the London Symphony Orchestra could play it without a conductor, despite its rhythmic complexity. (To be honest, they probably could!). Few people would call it tuneful, but I think I could whistle along with most of it. So how did those 9-11 year olds get so much out of it when so many people would refuse to listen and still feel able to call it ‘boring’?

I think there are a few answers to this. One is most certainly presentation. In the same way that my classroom group loved ‘Call me maybe’ as listeners but were bored without something to look at, many people will find having something to watch helps when listening to music. I wonder how many of the people who go to an Andre Rieu concert and have a fantastic time will choose to go to a ‘normal’ orchestral concert? Let me be clear that Andre Rieu is no mean musician. He is an experienced and very fine violinist and orchestral leader. But would so many people rush to buy tickets if he were to do away with the dancers, costumes and lighting? Similarly, would the people who go to hear Vivaldi’s ‘The Four Seasons’ by candlelight go if there was only electric lighting and the musicians weren’t dressed up and bewigged? The audiences in these examples are not so much going to a concert as an event.  The music hasn’t changed but the presentation makes it more palatable. For this reason, some musicians will be photographed in all sorts of settings and costumes in order that their recordings will entice the buyer. They may not have recorded the most exciting performance, but who cares when you can look at the cover?!! (This does sometimes work against the artist as people can be quite judgmental about appearances and believe the image relates to the music-making, which it probably won’t).

Another reason for the ‘music is boring’ complaint is what you might call the ‘Fast Food Principle’. Why is fast food so popular? Of course, convenience, availability and price are key factors. But so is familiarity. Go into any burger joint and you know what you are going to get: a beef patty (or similar), sauce, a slice (or two if you’re unlucky) of gherkin and a slightly damp and claggy bun. Fries on the side. Yes, there are variations on a theme (an extra patty, bacon or processed cheese, a different sauce) and the quality might vary but, essentially, you know what you are going to get. No nasty surprises or anything that you’re going to have to think about. Isn’t this what most pop music is? Verse, chorus, verse, chorus, maybe a bridge then the chorus repeated.  More often than not in four beats in a bar at 72-84 beats per minute and with not too many chords. Catchy and easy to understand. (Incidentally, not only are there not too many chords, very often they are the same four chords (and if you don’t believe me, pop onto YouTube and listen to the very clever Four Chord Song by Axis of Awesome). Of course, you get the real artists among pop song-writers who take this format to a higher level (including The Beatles, Elton John, Burt Bacharach, Jeff Lynne and many others) and achieve both fame and longevity. But an awful lot of pop songs come from the same production line that prepares your Big Mac. And that’s the appeal – you know what you’re going to get.

Classical music is more like fine dining. Each chef (composer) will have their own ideas, experience, training, palate, agenda and aims, which is to prepare the finest possible meal rather than something quick and cheap. As a result, no two plates will look the same. Chicken will not always be breaded! The seasoning may be unfamiliar, and we may take a few mouthfuls to get used to it. As every chef will put their own spin on even the most traditional dish, we do not have that production-line security that we rely on or the familiarity which requires no effort on our part.

So how to convince people to try a new restaurant? The answer is probably: education. In the past, schools taught music, played music and had children singing in assemblies. The television broadcast programmes about music fronted by charismatic and knowledgeable people such as Leonard Bernstein and Andre Previn. There was even a regular series called “The Piano can be fun” which showed people how to play the piano. The BBC broadcast Proms concerts on a regular basis and on the main channel. Can you imagine any of this happening today? Music is fast disappearing from the school curriculum, instrumental lessons are becoming increasingly confined to private schools or out-of-school altogether. The Proms concerts are relegated to the minor channels and often fronted by trendy presenters (sometimes musicians) who will confess to never having heard the piece that is being performed. As a result, they have little ability to educate the audience unless helped by the autocue. Classic FM could help out here and, in the past, has had some informed and informing presenters. Unfortunately, it too often serves as a chatty background noise, repeating the same pieces over and again. And, of course, people have to tune in for even that to have an impact.

This puts the responsibility for learning about music on parents (assuming they themselves have an interest in music), on social media influencers (I think I have some way to go before I count as a one) or on personal curiosity. My parents always enjoyed music, but my personal listening followed its own path – Star Wars led to film soundtracks and the sound of the orchestra on those soundtracks led to classical music. LP sleeve notes and books on music were duly devoured, music magazines and radio programmes were considered all-knowing and there was also the wholly unreliable strategy of choosing an LP based on its cover-art or the work’s title. This hasn’t changed over the years although my approach has been increasingly informed by experience and learning. I would have appreciated, in my younger days, someone to guide my listening a little. Sadly, my music teachers at school were not equipped to fulfil that role (it was rather deflating to ask a teacher about Brahms’s German Requiem, which I had read about, only for her to say she had never heard of it!).

Naysayers have long predicted the demise of classical music. Even back in the early 80’s, it was suggested that computers would replace orchestras. This hasn’t been the case (although composers can now create a convincing performance of their music on their computer using a virtual orchestra). With some of my blogs, I hope to give pointers to would-be listeners and to demystify some pieces. This is partly to help fill a gap and partly to satisfy my evangelical urge to spread the word about music. When listening to some pieces, I do genuinely feel sorry for anyone that has not heard it or even heard of it. I’m currently in the middle of a blog on music inspired by the sea (there’s plenty of it and it’s good stuff!) and if, off the back of that, someone comes away with an interest in or love for the Sea Symphony or La Mer, it will have been worth the effort. Until then, I hope you might find time to something new or even something you may have heard in the past, be it the William Tell Overture by Rossini or choral music by John Tavener. Happy listening!